She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
