woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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