i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Still dying that you shit outside
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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