my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
