this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
