Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
