Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
