Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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