I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
