I wanna passion pit in your ass
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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