I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
