He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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