Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
