the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
