you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize