He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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