"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
