His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
