I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
