just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
