i permit you to call me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
