I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
