You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
