I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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