butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
