grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
