i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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