Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
