my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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