Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
