guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
