He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
