I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize