yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
