Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
