you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
