Soap is not a condiment
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
