what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Holy shit dude........stairs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
