You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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