i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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