and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
