I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
