I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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