Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
