It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
