If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
