May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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