You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
