I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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