these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
