Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
