jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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