Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
