Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
