Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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