apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
