You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
