Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
