my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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