now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
