Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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