Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize