Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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