I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize