the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found your dick twin last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
