Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
