i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
