hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
come over.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize