my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
