this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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