Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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